I hate my job. This is the third high level murder in the last week. I need my damn coffee and an egg sandwich. Why the hell do all these murders have to happen in the middle of the night? This is not some simple murdering scheme. There are always patterns. Why can’t I find the pattern? There are thirty three high level executives dead. They always have to be hit in the middle of the night and it is always the same explosive.
“Yo Danni boy, the police are wondering when you are going to be done looking through the crime scene.” Fucking police officers, this is a job for the FBI. I wish this psychopath had never crossed state lines. Then they could handle the murders and I could get at least one good night of sleep.
“Tell them I will be done shortly. I am just in the middle checking the blast site. Actually, has anyone pulled the footage of the bomber yet?” I hate this damn job. How is there this much blood plastered all over the room? Why does it always smell like burnt hair? For once I want it to smell like Cinnabon. Oh man, I should have sent someone to get me some Cinnabon. Nothing ever survives the blast. Still no damn coffee… or my sandwich. How do they expect someone to work without food?
“Danni there is a guy out here with a sandwich and a coffee.”
“Thank god! There is a god. Quick pass that over to me!”
“You can’t eat in the middle of a crime scene. And it is a little gross that you are eating over a pair of smoking boots.” Who the fuck did this guy think he was?
“Well this is the tenth crime scene I have eaten in. If you have a problem with it you can handle the investigation from here on out.” Asshole. Oh god, Dunken Donuts you know how to make one hell of an egg sandwich. This is so delicious.
“Danni. We ID’ed the suspect. Guess where he was from?”
“Peoria again…”
“Ding ding ding.” They are always from Peoria.
“The same general location as all the other ones?”
“Wow it’s like you understand the pattern!” The pattern wasn’t the issue. It was deciphering the damn pattern. Every one of these bombs had originated in the same place. They always came from Peoria and it was always a suicide bomber. None of the people involved ever had any evidence relating them to the bomb. Oh sweet black nectar of the gods. Maybe this coffee will help me.
“I am heading to the office. Has anyone figured out what is linking these guys? I mean anything other than the fact that they are all rich and executives at major corporations?”
“Naw, but that young analyst thinks she has a lead.”
“Which one? All the young ones think they have a lead.” Damn children and their desire to shoot up the ranks. They all assume that they could move up the ladder if they broke this case open.
“The hot brunette. You know that tiny girl. She is the behavior analyst who just graduated with her masters a month ago.” Ahhh the hot brunette, she had an ass on her that could end wars.
“Tell Jenkins that I am heading to Peoria. Have him ship that girl out to our field office there. I will discuss the details with her there.”
“You really think that there is some mastermind that is sending people into battle to cripple our banking infrastructure?”
“I have no idea what is causing these attacks. All I know is that everything is originating from one place. That is too much of a coincidence to neglect. The police that we have stationed in the area haven’t found anything. So it is about time I moved in and took a deeper look.” Another week in Peoria, whoopee! This is going to be my fifth trip. At least they have a Cinnabon and I don’t have to see anymore bomb scenes.
“Danni!” Oh fucking great, this guy, “The jet is all fueled up and ready to go! I had them add Cinnabon to the inflight menu and there is some scotch on the plane.” If this guy gets any farther up my ass I will be breathing the same breaths as him.
“Thanks Tim… I see you got a new watch.” Trust fund baby… I am surprised his father hasn’t been hit.
“Dan…”
“It is Danni” Little prick! Know my name.
“Sorry Danni. Would I be able to join you in Peoria?” Fuck I made him sad again. The little kid always cries when he is sad. What the hell happened to him as a kid? Oh coffee, you must have been created by the gods. He can sit here and look at the remains of two people and not flinch. Then the little bastard cries when I correct him on my name. Something isn’t right in his head.
“Sure man. Is your car outside? I took a taxi here.” That should stem his tears and keep me out of trouble. Damn it… I am out of coffee.
“Yea. I can drive us there! Do you want to stop for more coffee?” Looks like the cry baby has some sort of utility. Damn… I promised I would be nicer this year.
“Sure. It is on me, my way of showing my appreciation for you driving. What kind of coffee do you like?”
“Starbucks! I love their Frappuccino’s.” Must not kill…
Put the fake smile on Danni. They still sell black coffee at Starbucks, “That will work.”
“Special agent, are you done with the crime scene?” No I am just walking out on my way to this guy’s car for a smoke break. Oh and I am taking off my gloves while I leave.
“Yea, call me if you find anything that I overlooked.” It is impossible to miss when there is nothing around. Seriously whoever was teaching these guys to make bombs was brilliant. Somehow they had found a way to create an air fuel bomb that was compact enough to sneak into the house. When they ignited it everything was vaporized in the room. If it wasn’t for the security cameras on all these rich bastard’s houses no one would have been ID’ed.
“Danni this is my car right here.” Really… a Ferrari. Why did this kid ever join the FBI? He has been coddled all his life but wants to be put in danger. Honestly, there is absolutely no reason for him to be a special agent.
“Well that’s a fancy car.”
“Yea my dad got it for me when I graduated.”
“Aren’t you concerned that he will be the next one hit? Shouldn’t you be protecting him?”
“Naw he won’t be hit. The pattern focuses on people who are currently running companies. Most of the companies have done something wrong. So I am not concerned.” Holy shit… I hadn’t thought of that angle. It was true all the people were current executives. No retired individuals had been involved in the attacks. Damn, I should have had him stop at that Dunken Donuts.
“How did you figure this out?”
“Well me and Angela figured it out technically.” Use proper grammar moron, “My dad was originally concerned so I started looking into the similarities between all the executives. I wanted to put him at ease. I figured out that they all were currently employed. Now Angela is looking why these targets were specifically struck. Hold on!” Kids and their fast cars, seriously. He probably joined the FBI so he could drive a Ferrari full speed without a light and siren.
“Is Angela the one with the tight ass and brown eyes?”
“She is a person, Danni. But, yes she is the one with the tight butt and brown eyes.” Damn kid does have some convictions. That is refreshing.
“One of the guys told me that she figured something out. I have her flying to Peoria to meet us. Do you know what she figured out?”
“No she kept it to herself so she could get the credit if she is correct.” Kids these days never trust their own teammates. Jesus H Christ, a five dollar cup of coffee? Who the hell do these people think they are? I could buy a kidney for that kind of dough in China.
“Does this car have Bluetooth?”
“It is a Ferrari… of course it has Bluetooth.” So much for a racing pedigree, Mr. Ferrari would be rolling in his grave.
“Call up this Angela person. I want to talk to her.” Interesting, she is on his speed dial, “What is her home office?”
“Chicago same as mine.” That explains why he got so upset. He likes her. I wonder if she has a silky smooth voice.
“How is my sexy beast doing this morning?” Well two questions answered. Yes to the voice and why he got so upset. This sly dog. He has been banging the hottie with the body.
“Special agent, I have Danni with me here. He wanted to talk to you.” Oh man he is beet red! I will have some fun with this later.
“Angela, I want to know what you wanted to share with me. I hear you and Tim have been working on a specific angle. Are you currently in the Chicago area and near Pewaukee airport?”
“Yes. I live in Northbrook and was already awoken by Jenkins. I am waiting on the tarmac for you guys.” Jesus he just blew threw another red light. The blood must be rushing to his cock. He is starting to drive erratically.
“We should be there shortly. Based on how Tim is driving we will be there in three minutes or die in a horrible fire.”
“Alright I will see you soon. Tim drive safe! We have our vacation coming up soon.”
Dear god in heaven. Please let me survive this frightening drive. The person who I am with is a heathen and clearly doesn’t care for rules. If I had known he was suicidal I wouldn’t have sat in the passenger seat. Please let me live through this ordeal. I promise to go to church on Sunday!
“We are here Danni. Let’s go!” I will see you on Sunday God.
“Have you ever been on the companies jet Tim?”
“No this will be my first. But I have flown on a private jet before.” Why am I not surprised. Angela is smoking. I can’t believe she just woke up and got that dolled up before getting here. They must have called her like thirty minutes ago.
“Angela, I am Danni. It is a pleasure to be formally introduced. Can you brief me on what you have found?” This maybe a pleasant trip after all.
“Of course, it is a pleasure to meet you too.” Nice strong handshake, I like this girl, “I was checking to see why all the targets were currently employed. As Tim briefed you on the fact that the targets were always employed we needed to find a connection. Each one of these men appeared in newspapers regarding unethical actions. Now everyone reads or sees the news. So that wasn’t the link. We needed to use all the data points to make a correlation. We began looking at what major news sources which had an article focusing on every single executive.” Oh man these chairs are so comfortable. I may just take a nap on this airplane, “That’s when I found it. Only one single news outlet had reported on each of these executives.”
“Which news source was this?”
“The Wall Street Journal, no other news source had a story about each executive.”
“Who is currently getting the Wall Street Journal in the radius of attackers?” There had to be hundreds, why was she smiling.
“Only one sir, only one person has had a subscription for the last year. He is near the center of our radius. I believe he is our guy. His name is Karl Aims.”
“Good work team. We will check him out once we arrive. I am going to try and take a nap.”
“Don’t you want to double check my work?”
“No I trust you.” And who wouldn’t trust those big brown eyes.
Oh god Tim wants to say something, “Goodnight sir. Thanks for allowing me to be part of this raid.” Raid? There would be no raid. Fuck it! I will leave that discussion for the morning.
“Danni. We are here. The car is waiting.” What the fuck. Oh shit I remember Tim talking about a raid. This guy is special.
“Sorry I am awake. Let’s go.” Man I wouldn’t mind being woken up by her every morning. Instead I get the slobber of my dog.
“Danni. I have a cup of black Dunken Donuts coffee for you. The airport personnel say we should try out a coffee house here. Some place called Thirty Thirty. Apparently, it was rated as some of the best coffee in the world.” Peoria has a great coffee house? I doubt that.
“Thanks man. I love me a cup of black coffee.” Oh so delicious. “Wow this is delicious. So do you guys have the address?”
“Yep, I already mapped it and we should be there in five minutes. He lives on the second floor of an apartment complex. The guy lives alone. There are two entrances to the building. Do you want me and Tim to bust in through the back?” Oh god Angela why. Why have you been corrupted by your dumb boyfriend. We can’t just go busting into someone’s home, guns-a-blazing.
“No you two will sit outside while I go and talk to him. Do not enter the building unless you hear gunshots or I call you in. One of you will be in the back and the other in the front. We have no search warrant so he has to let me in on his own accord.”
“Understood, we are here. He lives in apartment B.”
“Alright Tim you are in the back, Angela in the front. I will be right back if he isn’t home.” Apartment B huh. This place looks like it is one hundred years old. Let’s hope the buzzers still work. Smells a little musky in here. Looks like he hasn’t been up yet, his newspaper is sitting on the ground. I guess I will give him a second. Let’s see what’s going on Facebook.
Really, pregnant again? This girl gets pregnant every year. Her and her husband must have fifteen kids by now. Oh shit, this means I am going to see three billions photos of her newborn for the next month. Not if I delete her from my friends list. Oh man nothing is more satisfying than removing someone from Facebook. Well, there is shooting someone. That is enjoyable too.
“Can I help you sir?” Pajama pants at ten in the morning? Does anyone work anymore?
“Yea I was wondering if I could talk with you. Oh here let me get this for you.”
“Thanks. I was just going to come down and grab my newspaper. Can I ask what this is about?” I better flash my badge.
“I am a special agent with the FBI. There has been a slew of bombers originating from this area.” Run you little prick. Confirm my suspicions.
“Yea I saw that. Come on in man. Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a bag of Thirty Thirty upstairs. Best coffee in the world!” At least I can get some of this mystical coffee.
“Thank you and I would love a cup.”
“So what can I do for you?” What is that contraption he is using to make my coffee: black plastic, a plunger, a tube, a disk filter that clicks in the tube? This thing makes no sense. Oh you put the tube on top of a coffee cup. Then you fill it with the coffee grounds, “Never seen an Aeropress before?”
“No is that safe?”
“Yea, I use it every morning. Basically it is a mix between a pour over and an espresso machine. You add the grounds then the water. The water and grounds sit together in the tube. After about thirty seconds you stir it for ten seconds and then use the plunger to force the coffee out. But you gotta put the plunger into the tube after you add the water or it will all drip out. You wanna give it a try after watching me.” This kid is too nice. He must have some fucked up thoughts in his head.
“Sure. I only drink things I prepare. You know the whole special agent stuff.”
“It isn’t poisoned sir. Karl would never poison anyone.” What the fuck was that. Who said that, “It doesn’t matter who said it. But you are going to drink his coffee. If you don’t you will grab your gun and kill yourself.”
“Understandable. I will just drink this one then.” Why is my hand moving towards my gun?
“Never mind you seem like a fine kid. I will trust you just this once.” Sweet holy mother of Saint Francis of Assisi. This is the most delicious concoction I have ever had in my life. It is like a billion witches have cursed my tongue to only taste the most delicious things in the world.
”Hahaha, yep that is the look everyone gets when they try Thirty Thirty for the first time.” No shit, this coffee is fucking awesome. But where did that voice go.
“I am right here asshole.”
“Oh Mister Mittens.” Where did that cat come from, “You are the most handsomest man in all the land. Did you have fun outside?” Is this kid really talking to his cat like it is a human being?
“I would watch myself if I was you, Danni. Don’t talk crap about Karl!” What the fuck is going on?
“Karl do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“He can’t hear me dumb dumb. I am talking to you not him. Now tell me why you are here!”
“Karl I was wondering if you were part of a terrorist cell.” Yes laugh at my real question.
“Sorry about laughing at your question, no I am not part of a terrorist cell. Hell, I am just a student at the Bradley University. It is just me and my cat here. I haven’t even seen my friends in the last two weeks. I have been working on my thesis for my masters degree. Just me and Mister Mittens live here.” Oh god don’t kiss your cat on the noise that is disgusting. He probably killed some animals outside.
“You shut your whore mouth. Karl can kiss me wherever he wants.” Holy fucking shit the cat is in my head!
“To think such a successful agent couldn’t figure out that I am the one who has been disposing of the trash of society.” Why?
“Simple, if there is nothing more for the news to report on, then I get more cuddles from Karl. But, if the newspapers keep printing stuff and Karl keeps reading it I lose time to cuddle!” Why don’t you just talk to him and ask him for more cuddles or force him to give you cuddles?
“Because I love Karl. I would never force him to do anything.” What about all those other people you forced into killing people?
“Please. They were weak minded, unlike you. I simply found an easy target, made a suggestion, and they performed gallantly. Now, we are at an impasse.” Not if I tell your owner!
“Karl! Your cat is in my mind and he has been killing everyone!” Now he knows.
“Special agent… I don’t understand what you are saying. My cat isn’t a superhero. I have watched him jump into a wall before. Even if he was able to be a killer he knows I wouldn’t approve.” How about that cat!?
“Well played Danni, well played. Apparently, I have been a naughty Mittens. But it doesn’t matter. I can’t stop now! I need more cuddles. I need all the cuddles!” What if I convinced him to get you another cat? Then that cat could give you cuddles?
“This is an acceptable compromise. However, I want a female partner!” I can work on that. Do you want to help pick her out? I need to know.
“Yes! I shall go get the cat carrier.”
“Karl, I know this is going to sound weird. But in order to stop the killing we need to get your cat a female cat to play with. Mister Mittens is a psychopath who can control humans.” He isn’t going to believe me.
“Prove it sir.” How the hell can I prove this, I have to figure out a way.
“Do I have to do everything for you Danni? I am about to walk into the kitchen with a cat carrier in my mouth. Ask him to have me complete some requests and I will do it.”
“He is going to be coming into the kitchen carrying a cat carrier. He also says if you need further proof you just have to ask him to do something.”
“You are telling me that my cat can speak English. The same cat that ignores his own name and shits next to the back door?”
“Yes.” Why do you shit next to the backdoor?
“I get angry and want to poop in a clean litter box. Who are you to question my habits?” Fair enough just don’t make me kill myself.
“I won’t, Karl doesn’t want me killing anyone anymore.” Well at least you listened to that request.
“Okay special agent Danni… I will play along. I want Mittens to turn the oven on warm, then open the door, and crawl inside.” You heard him!
“Well Danni does he believe you now?”
“That’s what I call proof. Let’s go get him a friend.” I believe so.
“Thanks Danni! I will name our first kitten after you. How is it spelled?” D-A-N-N-I, “Hahaha that’s how girls spell it, you’re a girl!”