Undertow ho! Dodge to the left dodge to the right! It doesn’t really matter which way he goes, it’s going to snag him, undertow always snatches and drags people. To be honest, it is negligible, because he has been swimming for so long… oh so long. But he is really good at it, and every once in a while he is caught by the great currents of the ocean. They don’t really yank you around; they just tend to collect people together like a bar or coffee shop. It has been ages since he popped onto an island and had a substantial meal. It is insane to think about it, but he started swimming so young and met so many people.
Now look at him, floating alone for the last year, two months, twenty two days, five hours, forty six minutes, and three seconds. Just bobbin along, nice calm seas all around and without a care in the world. The last storm he experience was with Zelda, and before he knew it, a rogue wave carried her far far away. The tow had come and it hadn’t been gentle. He remember her yelling, “I’ll be right back, wait for me!” He waited, and waited, but eventually got sick of the vultures circling his body.
Before Zelda was Amy; Amy was nice but a little too aggressive with her stroking. With each kick and stroke, white froth danced from around her body. Our man wasn’t stupid, he spoke often about the dangers of such a dangerous habit. In the end, she didn’t leave like Zelda. From the black ocean, a great white tore her from his grasp – figuratively, he always stayed far enough away incase this happened. For our man, he thought it was the stroking but it could have been the trail of cigarette butts that she left behind her like an environmentally unconscious Gretel – you will never know, but I know.
There was a brief moment where Frank – I forgot to tell you our protagonist name, my mistake – ran into Dan. The currents had pulled them together but they wanted two different things.
It had been an entire year without a single friend for Frank until he heard a random voice scream, “Hey there sexy lady.” To be fair, Frank was in a metal stage and hadn’t cut his hair for years; it was like a field of golden wheat swaying in the soft prairie breeze. Except, this hair was silky and slipping through the calm surf. The contrast of the light blue – it was a shallow depth – made him pop like a lighthouse.
And Frank responded to the fellow with, “I have a penis.”
Laughter erupted as Dan shouted, “Sorry man! Can I join you?”
With that, the two of them began swimming together for a while. Unlike Zelda or Ashley that would come later, Dan appeared at the appropriate point in Frank’s life where they could benefit from one another’s company. They talked of love, sports, philosophy, and all that high school kids discuss (lots on boobs and the philosophies surrounding breasts). And, they were one another’s first kiss. It was strictly for science, well for one it was in the name of science, but he had never broached the topic with his best friend.
That day, they had happened to see a sand bar with a couple of ladies. Frank was the one who said, “Hey, we should practice before we get to the bar. I am digging on that one.” They positioned themselves so the women couldn’t see what they were doing. Yet, Frank had no idea what he had done to Dan at that moment. A couple of weird attempts, a tongue dancing across a tonsil, and they were nearly visible to the women. Dan looked at his friend, his great friend, and realized that he needed to find a different current soon. Once they arrived, Frank found himself romantically entangled with a woman – Lindsey – who he would always love even if only in the plutonic sense.
While this romance blossomed, a massive amount of currents converged on the younglings. Ah Poseidon, perhaps we can call him poison for he single handled tore everyone from one another. Dan had already moved to a different sand bar, but Frank never learned of this sand bar. This little lack of information at such a young age would save their friendship.
But alas, this isn’t about Frank and Dan, but rather Lindsey. Nothing weird happened between the two, she found an older man, he took her on dates, they ended up in bed together, and Frank understood (albeit four years later) that they just weren’t right for one another. He hadn’t been there for her, and he was still in the shallow shoals while Lindsey had moved onto the deep and black sea.
After that, Frank was focused on getting a StromReiter specialization so he could help predicate his future. His father had told him about such a degree before kicking him into the sea at the ripe age of four. With his mind completely enveloped in currents and storms, he had lost track of his path and ended up passing by a small island – Dan’s island. The two remember one another – you always remember your first kiss no matter how awkward, weird, or lovely it is – and Frank decided to stop by and relax for a moment; it was his first rest in eighteen years.
Once on the sand, he didn’t collapse. No, he ran up and hugged his old friend. They joked, they laughed, they discussed the odd kiss, and then Frank met Dan’s husband: Joey “The Hammer” Carpenter. Gasps and shock filled Frank’s face for but a moment. Why only a moment? Because he saw Dan’s face grow red and he quickly realized that a slipstream hadn’t been involved in their fateful separation.
“How is Lindsey?” It was terse and full of disregard.
Before Frank could respond, The Hammer smiled and recused himself, “I need to prepare more crab cakes for you and your friend.” The voice was deep, with a slight lisp (clef palate), and appeared to be full of happiness.
Frank wanted the happiness and sadness filled his own voice, “Lindsey is with another man. It”—he choked up, forced a smiled, and heightened his tone—“man. I’ve, I’ve”—dimples formed on his bottom lip as he bit the skin—“sorry, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”
“No idea what?”
“That you were…”
Dan smiled lightly, “An otter?”
“Yes.” Frank’s head was bowed towards the ground as the sun tore into the back of his neck.
“Come on in, tell me about Lindsey. Aiden is just about to wake up.”
Frank’s voice was filled with confusion, “Aiden?”
Dan could understand Frank’s simplistic mind and clarified, “Mine and Cap’s baby boy.”
“How?” Frank quickly began preparing to find the words to apologize but it wasn’t needed.
A snicker came out of Dan as he responded, “Just floated in on some seaweed from a far east island. Trust me, Cap is all man.” That was it, they both came to terms with their awkward break up and reunion. This, this simple meeting was what sent Frank into the black and icy ocean (not everyone plunged into the immensely deep ocean, but those that did, found it worthwhile). Goodbye tropical sunshine, clear blue water, fish within arms grasp, and of course, safety. In two weeks, Frank left Dan’s and immediately understood that his world had been changed by Dan… just as Dan’s had been changed by Frank. Over the years, they would run into one another multiple times. Cap and Dan would make crab cakes and Frank would complain about how vast his world was but still would jump back into the black soup.
So there here we are with Frank, just floating on the most recent slipstream. No uninhabited island in sight, just a dull gray as a storm rolls through the area. Frank sighs and talks to himself, “I just want some crab cakes.”
Torrents pelt him in the face, and with that, he realizes that he was day dreaming about The Hammer and his hands working freshly cooked crab meat into tiny little patties. He remembered the sizzle as the food hit the pan and began to crust and caramelize from heated oil. Once out of his fantasy, Frank threw himself a pity party, “I should have stayed in the shallows… so many sand bars, so many girls, so much beer.”
That was all he allowed himself, with a slap, his cheeks went flush and he threw himself forward at breakneck speed. Bubbles ran across his ears as he pushed forward without opening his eyes – it wasn’t like he would run into anything. Across his back, he could feel the tiny BBs of water strike his back. The pain wouldn’t dissipate quickly, instead hot little patches would linger as he continued; his goal was to escape the storm and float on a current for a month while he tried to fix whatever was broken inside of him. And then, he hit it. Pain rang through his head, blood formed by his ear, and a gasp of air was replaced by frigid salt water.
Breaking the surface he looked around, and found a woman holding her hand and massaging between the fingers. Choice words sprung from his belly, “What the hell are you doing! Look where you’re going.”
“Fuck you.” She fired right back at him, “I think you broke my hand?” Then he saw she was gasping for air.
“I’m sorry, I’m just concerned because of the storm. Can I see your hand?” She nodded and held it out. He looked it over – it was damaged, because he had a hard head.
“Your head is like a block of granite.”
“You should see my balls.” He was too engrossed in her hand and didn’t realize he had defaulted to his favorite phrase
“You should see mine.” She winked and was smiling – he missed the wink.
Frank was smiling as he began to look up, “What did you say?”
“You should see my balls?” And like that, Frank was face to face with someone he had never met in his life.
Her face was still plastered in a smile and Frank couldn’t respond but found himself able to nod. Her eyes jumped into his soul and pinged around and around. It wasn’t the eyes that struck him though, he was taken aback by her noise. Gorgeous, dotted in tiny freckles, it was unique. Each freckle set it apart, made it unique, and he quickly learned that he liked freckles. Thank god for the black depths and tight swim trunks, because Frank was losing blood at an exuberant rate – the wound on his head had closed.
For Frank, there was only one thing that he wanted to do, and that was ride the currents with the woman before him. Realizing he didn’t know her name, he requested it, and she responded: Lorelei. And that was all she wrote, the two of them began swimming together just to make sure she was safe.
Each day, they would try to sleep but Frank would bob completely awake and contemplating if he did anything wrong throughout the day. He never let it bother him; he was being himself, and he knew that if he was himself that was all that mattered. Day in and day out, this went on and they spent more time talking than swimming. No vultures came, and if they did Lorelei would shoo them away (which made Frank giggle because they were hundreds of feet away) but he had a smile the entire time they were together. As time went on, they continued to drift, swim, and talk.
One day, the currents attempted to pull them away and Frank flashed back to both Ashley and Zelda. Without realizing it, and forgetting his training in the school of StromReiter, he swam. So did Lorelei, and the two did something that no one would imagine – they challenged a god, fate, and time? It hadn’t been easy, each could feel a tiny noose tightening around their ankles as they pushed forward with all of their strength. That moment, that was when Frank realized that Lorelei felt the same way. Tendons snapped, muscles tore, and bones strained against the mighty Poseidon. In the end, Frank and Lorelei had bigger and harder balls than the king of the sea.
Once together, Frank kissed Lorelei for the first time. Shock filled her face and she questioned him, “What’s… I… where… why?”
“I could have died, I could have lost you forever, I just… I just needed to never have a regret about you.”
She smiled, freckles bent, and Frank swooned as she spoke with a soft tone, “Silly, that is a tiny regret.” Both were breathing hard now that their bodies were at rest and they were embracing one another.
In between gulps of air, Frank forced out his reasoning (one of the plaguing ideas that had kept him up one night), “If we lost one… another… I would think about the kiss… not you… and I never… want something… to get in the way of… my memories of you.”
And with that, her smile widened and she whispered, “You’re such a shit head.” Frank smiled and both snickered as they bobbed in the cold waters of the deep ocean.
“And you smell like whale barf.”
“It’s my new perfume.” And off they went, albeit damaged, they had survived and were closer than before.
It wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine. Often, one or the other would be exhausted from fighting the slipstreams that continued tear at their feet like an incessant aunt tickling her nephew. With each battle, Poisden lost more and more power and the two love birds progressed towards death or an island of their own – if they could fly it would have been easier to escape the icy depths, but that would be cheating for two swimmers.
Over four years they fought multiple ailments. Some were minor, others majors, and some where self-induced by trying to battle the currents of the strong ocean. In the end, depression, physical distress, and all that jazz would lead to potential death or success. These two didn’t plan for the future, they just drove towards it without any goal other than to be with one another. Even when one would begin to drown, a hand would pull them to the surface. With care, the weakened soul would be set across the breast of the other and held until they recovered.
After an unusually strong battle with a storm, rouge wave, and current, Lorelei had been exhausted to the point of unconsciousness. With everything he had, Frank picked her up and continued to pull them forward. When Lorelei awoke, Frank was beginning to disappear into Poseidon’s dungeon. With gusto she pulled him up, and took over driving them forward. And then, after about a day and a half, it happened – LAND HO!
Lorelei broke a toe because she mistakenly kicked a rock as the land got shallower to allow the two onto their new home. Blood trailed behind her as she continued to push and push them further away from the dangerous ocean. Once on land, she collapsed and was awoken by the smell and unique sizzle of crab cakes. A strange man with a slight scar across the top of his lip was bending over her and smiling.
A lisp shot through his lips, “Welcome to the neighborhood!”