My process for writing fiction is probably one of those things that other writers do but something I don’t know about. For me, I need to live in my universe/world before I can create it. I visualize everything and place myself there before I begin writing about it. My short fiction tends to suffer because I don’t perform this task in as much detail as I would for a novel. However, my novels are places I’ve lived in for many days, weeks, months, and some have even been there for years. Since I was a kid, I loved teleporting myself into a world of my own creation before bed. I would live there for some of my day and then rejoin those on Earth. It was a trick, I could disappear and do whatever I wanted. Yet, that ability, to vividly create something and believe you were there also has a downside. [Click “Read More” to go on a philosophical journey]
When I day dream, my mind writes the narrative and forms the structures around that story. It can involve real people or wholly fictionalized individuals. There could be a dragon that needs to be slayed or an AI that needs to be created. I love that I can do this but it scares me. Each time I return from these fantasies, I have to ask myself if I am losing a piece of who I am or was… is this bettering me… or destroying me? It is important to remain grounded in the world that I actually inhabit – I believe I am able to tell the difference.
But what happens when I can no longer tell the difference. When I see something and build up a story around situation and then believe it. A simple smile from a girl I find attractive can turn into a sweeping narrative about our future together. That’s not healthy in my mind. Now you are probably thinking: “it’s all just a fantasy, you can clearly tell the difference because you are writing this blog post.” but what happens when that person actually was interested in me? How will I handle the reality against the fantasy. What happens when the person’s back story is different than the one I fictionalized? I designed the world around me to benefit me, that’s why it is called a fantasy (my books don’t suffer from pitfall of self pleasuring the writer, I really wouldn’t want to live in the worlds I write). Will I enjoy what the real entity loves? Or will I find it a character flaw and go out looking for the person who matches the creation of my mind?
This is a real fear of mine. When reality deviates from what we have fantasized, we are bound to be disappointed in the outcome. So, if you do this, do what I decided to do earlier this year… stop. Don’t project your future in an unrealistic manner. Let it come to you, plan, make decisions, and aim for a “hazy” goal. Don’t make a concrete future, otherwise, when it deviates (and it will), you will end up disappointed.