After brutal day work today, I wanted to let my brain relax so I did what any adult who is young would do – turn on some Mahler and stare at an absurdly large clock on the wall (JOKES… I am actually an eighty year old German farmer living in New Zealand (I am not)). Because I am weird, I do this boredom break for fun. Traditionally, instead of enjoying the clock on the wall, I would actually be staring at the weird brown stain that goes across the ceiling in my living room, but I am visiting family today (by the way, that stain in my living room is a constant confusion and has led to wonderful discussions). In general, boredom time is a structured event where the only thing I can do, other than think, is listen to music. As such, my brain gets to jump through some interest thoughts… like: infinite regret of day dreaming about real events.
So, without further introduction, let’s dive into pure sadness! To be fair, some of these concepts are close to Bergson’s view on hope and how one shouldn’t have it– fun stuff, right! Either way, the concept is simple but it is easier with an example. So, just like at work, let’s define a scenario. [Click “Read More” to find out if I am actually a German farmer]
Imagine you are interviewing for a job and it goes well. Heart racing, tummy in knots, eye sight pulsing, you feel alive. You have your first thought: I crushed it… then your next: I am going to get the job. Boom, you just fucked up. The moment that idea cross your mind you started defining the outcome you wanted. For ease, let’s say you created a Y and X variable (they equal one another at this state | Y = X). But X isn’t static or constant, it is actually has multiple possibilities (X1 = I got the job | X2 = They dind’t call me | X3 = I didn’t get the job… and so forth). So technically, the equation you want is Y = X1, yet, the current equation is technically Y = Xn.
So let’s say you want a specific salary of T1. Now if T is less than T1 you will be upset, but anything over T1 and you are happy. So the equation shifts and Y equals happiness and X and T are both there (Y = X1 + T1). Now, it is important to realize that these possibilities are technically infinite so our equation is Y (happiness) = Xn + Tn. Still with me, now imagine you are planning on getting a set amount of vacation time… that’s right, now we have a V in the middle! Throw in a couple of other ideas and how the meeting will play out and you get Y = X1 + T1 + V1 + B1 + C1 + U1. But, it is easy to counter me and say these are easily researchable variables to understand.
That’s correct, the examples to date have been extremely simplistic/binary. But what if you start creating things… like play acting how it will go down in the shower? Now you have an entire script to fulfill to meet your expectations. Each day that goes by, you expand the equation until it is impossible for me to write. Thus, your ever-growing imagination is slowly eradicating your ability to find happiness in the original scenario (X1 – I got the job). Now, when they call, you will probably feel like they don’t really want you and will end up with less happiness.
So, my advice.
Ignore day dreaming about reality and instead contemplate why the clock is so big on the wall. All you do, by trying to predict outcomes, is drive a definition of hyper specific scenarios where you end up happy in the end. But, due to the insanity of life, most of the variables will never happen the way you want them to and that will lead to sadness. Keep it simple… I hope that helps. Now, for a Haiku…
Infinite Thoughts
A gesture, unknown outcome
Sadness through focus
~Theodore Maestranzi
P.S. I am not a German farmer.