Fuck, I ate Another
I don’t want you inside me; you are the incarnation of sadness. A simple bite of your flame broiled patty answer’s the question of Satan’s existence with a resounding: yes. With each chew, it becomes clear that they’ve perfected torture. This abomination came from Hell’s Kitchen… not the good one.
Like a shame filled conquest, I leave your drive-through and other options reveal themselves; the grass beside the porta-potty that has a hole in the reservoir probably has more flavor. But I can’t seem to ignore that sweet 2 for 6. It pains me. I know your not a deal because you won’t fill my sad void but enlarge it. Once done, my abyss will have grown deeper, wider, and darker.
Yet, I put you inside me regularly. Why? Simple, marketing.
Read MoreBeen a Minute… or a Year
2020 Blarg, am I right? Totes, this year is Garbage Town, USA… but, I would be lying if I dumped everything into the proverbial trash fire that has been this year and pretend like there haven’t been peaks (and a lot of valleys).
In general, we are all strapped to a table, our junk hanging out, a madman is sitting at a tennis ball launcher full of a million lemons, and our genitals are the target. Are we all making lemonade out of the constant bombardment on our bits? Obviously not, people are struggling and to sit here and say: “But on the good side” is not helpful.
Yet, I never take my own advice. Since, I am on my own site writing a blog post for the first time in over a year; I would say I’ve ended up in a place that may be trending toward stability (not healthy necessarily, just stable). Yes, I am breaking my rules; one of which is to never drink while writing (hello Mister Manhattan). But, extraordinary conditions lead to fantastically delicious cocktails.
Now, I believe we must find the good in all situations; even if you are knee deep in a tonne of shit, you should be able to find joy in the fact that the visible specks of corn are reminiscent of the stars – what a fun coincidence. While the world burns down around us, we must take time to understand the sudden shift in society and how it positively impacts us (there are negatives, but don’t focus on those). And as for positives, don’t try to do a big bang, relish in the simple joys: a walk with a loved one, conversation, or the ability to take on that project you always postponed. Find the good in those moments, you’re allowed to be sad and slightly happy.
Now we’ve reached the point where I tell you how productive I’ve been, which would be a lie. Just doing basic things I love is nearly impossible – I haven’t written fiction all year. Like most of us, I picked up a gardening habit (I already was a baker far before the pandemic), and I suffer extreme swings where motivating myself is about as useful as trying to fuck a rock (depending on the rock, sometimes you can break through).
Yet, when my first tomato turned red, I was ecstatic. I watched it from my window and I checked daily for any problem. I would be on a work call, and I would have to go out and see how it was doing. Legit, I talked to a tomato. If I had been in the office, I never would have seen that a groundhog was in my yard. In the previous year, I was unable to stand watch over my garden because I was in the office, and no matter what I did, a groundhog ravaged all my veggies (I got nothing out of 40 plants). So, when I was stuck at home and able to focus on my plants, that single tomato was the proof that my trapping (groundhogs were safely relocated to a local forest), defense construction (try and move 80 pounds of rock you fucking oversized rodent), and constant care was worth it. 2020 gave my my first major production of vegetables, and for that, I am grateful.
In the end, 2020 is a year of evaluation and understanding. I started off by dropping 10 pounds and quickly gained it back by Sad Dashing, instead of cooking you order takeout and just drink on the couch because you’re fucking sad, and now I am back in a productivity cycle. This year is a cycle of nightmares and nightmarish dreams. But, we don’t need to add to each-other’s diarrhea laden swamp. So don’t crap on people or around them, praise the little steps and make sure to check in and make sure they okay (none of us are okay).
For me, I need to focus on myself, and in order to make the nightmare slightly better, I am going to update my website, add more blog posts, and in general start writing more. It’s the best I can do, and since I used this standing desk I built as an excuse to not write until I got made it, I no longer can justify not writing.
Cheers, don’t be too hard on yourself, it sucks out there but humanity always ends up moving forward. At least you don’t have to worry about dying because the King is a dick… well… not yet at least.
Read MoreThe Storm of Death
I’ve lost a lot of people in the last year around me, and awhile ago, I lost my brother. Whenever I mention my brother, I don’t pull my punches and say he “died” instead of “passed on”. Mostly because I think we need to be faced with the harsh reality of death and that we are mortal pieces of flesh. Now, I wrote my first manuscript (Primo Capite and the Others) and used terms like flesh, corpse, or meat in order to drive home the fact that we are mortal – for certain reasons that book will never be released (mostly it isn’t written well and it has some mistakes due to the use of tropes). However, the terminology was to drive home the reality that we aren’t immortal… but our memories are. [click “Read More” to get my personal philosophy on how to handle death]
Read MoreMy Condolences
This will be a quick one, stop saying “I’m sorry” unless you add in “I’m sorry for your loss”. However, that still isn’t a great way to speak to someone. The reason is simple, saying sorry is an implying of fault; you say sorry when you step on a toe because you did something to the other person. You say sorry when you cheated on someone and ripped their heart out of their chest. So, unless you have the cure to the ailment the person is suffering from but didn’t give it to them or you actually caused their death, don’t say “I’m sorry”. Instead, might I suggest you say “my condolences” as it is a far superior term. As someone who had to hear, “I’m sorry” about one hundred times in a single day, I find the phrase false and empty – but the fact that you were there to say it means more than anything else.
So, just show up and be present, share a memory and if you say “I’m sorry” that’s okay too (but you should choose a better phrase).
Read MoreAn Amalgam of Haiku
On the annoying nature of people apologizing all the time for things they don’t control
Sunrises and Sunsets
Earth's revolutions, constant
Gaia says sorry - Stop
~Theodore Maestranzi
Embrace Spring - Warm Soul
Pollen Coats the Car - Achoo
Apology for Fucking
~Theodore Maestranzi
On someone changing their shoe type
boots fall away, ankle?Read More
feel the breeze and unwind
warm grass soon (future)
~Theodore Maestranzi