Beautiful Imperfections
While I am injured still, I have returned home in hopes of getting my stitches removed from my hand for free (part of the global cost of the procedure). Would it have been cheaper to take them out myself? Yes. Would my mother have consistently berate me over how it would look better if I had them removed by a professional? Yes. Thus, I drove to my home to get stitches removed so she could A) see me go to the doctor, and B) know that I didn’t pay extra money or deviate and remove them myself.
But this transitions me into the important aspect of my mother, who I love with all my heart and has supported me dearly throughout my life. When I decided to get a philosophy degree instead of a mechanical engineering degree, she supported me knowing that my life would be difficult with a degree that didn’t have a future job prospect associated with it. However, and excuse the previous tangent, my mother also is very critical of my appearance and consistently wants me to become an Adonis of a man – beer, whiskey, and good food keeps that future decently at bay. S0, when my finger was marred by my brother and a razor blade (an unfortunate accident where I lost the ability to write by hand due to a splint and stitches), she instantly wanted professional medical staff to mend my future scar (she doesn’t know that scars are sexy now, they are in like infinity scarfs and assless chaps (all chaps are assless, but not everyone knows that) (depending where you live)). Her little cub needed to be her perfect little baby.
This mentality of perfection has always been in my life, which could explain some aspects of myself. For example, on holidays, I will wear a graphic-t and pajama pants, won’t put deodorant on, and will leave my hear unkempt and “poofy”. So, when she decided to have some remodeling done, I felt bad for the craftsmen who would have to live up to her standards of perfection. Then, something amazing happened and I got to glimpse something that even a perfectionist couldn’t ignore.
Read MoreAnswering my own Questions
“Why do you write?” I’ve heard this question more than I would like to admit. “How are you going to earn a living from writing?” This has also been directed at me regularly. “I don’t read.” That’s the most depressing one. Luckily, I know that the odds of me making money from my writing is slim to none. I don’t count on it as system to provide me with funds to survive in a capitalistic society. I look at it as a fundamental need. An addiction that can only be solved by writing more and growing my skill to better help me achieve the reason I write.
For I write for a very selfish reason. I don’t care about publishing (I try to publish so I can get paid to write more). When I sit down or decide to write a manuscript, my goal is to take a complex problem and solve it. Like a mathematician looking for the answer to a formula, I too am seeking answers. Instead of using math, I use language and sentence structure. I place a large question at the center of my manuscript, I pull off related concepts, and then I research. Once I have a base of knowledge and what I want to know, I create humans and set them in my world to see what would happen. Often, things I never expect transpire and I learn. I grow through the creation of my characters and their interactions. How they handle the world that I have placed them in, helps me understand the world we live within. I write to understand and answer what I deem are important questions.
So I write for myself. I do it to make sense of the world and understand all the aspects that interact in on our planet. If you ever read my work, hopefully it will help answer questions you have, but more likely and what I want, it will cause you to get new questions. Each book has spawned another book, and that’s why I need to publish, I have too many questions and I keep getting more.
Read MoreCorruption
There is only one thing I hate about writing a new manuscript: corruption. One of the things a writer must do, to be good and grow, is read other peoples writing. Now, I read non-fiction regularly as it tends to expand my work and give me new outlooks on life. It is a wonderful growth technique and I don’t stop reading non-fiction no matter what I am working on at that time. With my pledge to write essays, the odds are I will have to cease reading non-fiction when working on those non-fiction pieces – until I saw a painting. As of right now, I am solely a fiction writer, which means, I stop reading fiction when I am working on a manuscript, short story, or an outline – sometimes I read fiction during the writing process but it is rare.
The reason for this lack of reading is simple. I caught, during editing, that my narrators voice was absorbing the narrator from fiction I was reading at that time. Also, formatting can change when I see something that is more clear when formatted in a certain way. A great example is Nabokov’s use of the ‘ ‘ for internal thoughts instead of italics. I tend to use bolding, italics, or underlining to denote specific “realms” of the piece. For example, in Three Pills, I utilize all three to denote the different time periods that are taking place. This allows the reader to associate the setting with a specific type face. Back in the day, it was harder to use these formatting details. Yet, I found it easier to use the ‘ ‘ to denote thoughts in the newest manuscript because it was a simpler keystroke. However, I have the bulk of thoughts written as italics. Which means, by reading Nabokov, I have corrupted the manuscript and will have to change ‘ ‘ to italics or vice versa.
Now comes the tricky part and why I may change my model. Philosophically, I believe that manuscripts are living organisms with their own needs and wants. As weird as this sounds, I believe that I am a partial medium and I am helping write the book but the manuscript is also helping write itself. This is a Kantian belief. However, it is one I have experience when writing where I find myself deviating from the prescribed plan, and I cannot explain why I must go down this new path that has arisen from the ether. Those tangents lead to problems as the manuscript begins to shape itself and grow larger. With the Bohr’s Bathos, I am watching my piece expand daily. In my most recent chapter, I have written two thousand words on a tangent that came from a simple concept. I love that about writing, because I treat writing not as a job but as a solution to my mind’s need to solve problems. The original final word count for Bohr’s Bathos was estimated at somewhere between 70,000 and 80,000. At the current trajectory, I am looking at 100,000 due to all the new tangents and the constraints of the narration style.
This line of questioning and change began when I was visiting a friend. As we drove through a city, I came face to face with a mural. The mural was clear, it was beautiful, it was mesmerizing. It didn’t bash me over the head with a concept or idea, but it struck me as out of place and insanely compelling. It was at that point that I realized that I had been doing a disservice to Bohr’s Bathos when describing artwork. That single piece of art corrupted Bohr’s Bathos, but in doing so, it expanded the piece to be more encompassing and flesh out a previously muted point of the manuscript. It added tons of work to my docket, but it is important that it did this because I now have a superior version. So is this corruption or expansion? At this point, I have changed my thoughts and believe that expansion is what happened. But, if I keep expanding myself with additional inputs during the writing process, will I ever truly finish a piece? The first chapter of a book is fundamentally lacking compared to the last chapter, because, your writing grows as you write the manuscript. With each keystroke you grow, and in doing so, corrupt yourself in a good and healthy way.
Read More(Apollonian*TA)+(Dionysian*TD)X=K
I hate drinking holidays and believe they are the bane of existence for humanity. I understand that in our regimented society humans need to enter into a Dionysian form of celebration. That is why we have Carnival, Mardi Gras, Saint Patrick’s Day, Cinco de Mayo, July 4th, and various other days were society collective participates in the narcotic drink of the Gods. This breaks down into a simple equation (that I created for illustration purposes): (Order*TA)+(Chaos*TD)X=K or if you want to go Greek on it: (Apollonian*TA)+(Dionysian*TD)X=K with TA being equal to time in an Apollonian state, TD being equal to time in a Dionysian state, X being a multiplier of intensity, and K being a constant and equilibrium. Our K may be different from person to person, but we as people will constantly try to reach this equilibrium. But how is this an issue?
Read MoreJust Go Up
I have been filled with fear for the last two and a half years. Around five years ago, I made the decision to write a book – which I never finished. Following that, I tried my hand at a second book; I never finished that one either. At that point in my life, I wasn’t afraid. I was complacent. I had a job, and I was making money; I was on my way to buying a home. Then, I decided to try my hand at really writing a novel and completed my first manuscript – Primo Capite and the Others. This is no longer available for agents or publishers. But it was when I made that decision, to write my first book, that I decided to take my writing seriously. At that moment, I was filled with an abundance of fear. And since that moment, I haven’t lived a day without fear. Why you ask?
Read MoreMillennial Malaise
Oh no, it is another diatribe. This time I decided to discuss the largest population in the United States of America – no not baby boomers – I speak specifically about the offspring of baby boomers: millennials. Yes, with the death of more and more baby boomers, millennials are now the largest demographic in America. Which means, everyone and their mother is trying to get cash from millennials. Which is funny for me, because I know that most millennials experienced the calamity of the great recession and will never make as much as their parents because the average salary has actually decreased over time and there is a larger pay gap between the super-rich and the super-poor. But enough of that; I am not here to discuss the financial stability of my generation, rather, I wanted to discuss their mentality and the real issues that face them – the mental issues that come from telling an entire generation that they are amazing and special.
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