Rapunzel – Project Grimm
In the gloom of evening, therefore, he let himself down again; but when he had clambered down the wall he was terribly afraid, for he saw the enchantress standing before him.
“How can you dare,” said she with an angry look, “to descend into my garden and steal my rampion like a thief? You shall suffer for it!”
…Then the enchantress allowed her anger to be softened
~The Brothers Grimm
Three pages… the story of Rapunzel is literally three pages in my complete copy of the Grimm’s Fairy Tales. Also, it is a little darker than the original; mostly because the enchantress isn’t the bad lady. Yeah, she isn’t the greatest when she locks away Rapunzel (a thing she does without any reason from The Brothers Grimm – it could be a valid reason or something kooky), or when she casts Rapunzel into a desert with twins (that’s right, when the prince is visiting her at night, they are boning), and then blinds the prince when he comes to visit and she [the enchantress] surprises him. Basically the plot of Rapunzel is this: her parents robbed an enchantress of rampion (which coincidentally means Rapunzel) and is a herb, the enchantress catches the husband, doesn’t punishes him but asks for his first kid, he willing gives her up (Rapunzel once she is born) to avoid punishment, Rapunzel goes to live in the tower, prince sneaks in, they bone, she gets pregnant (but you don’t learn that till later), then she is banished to a desert, the prince is blinded when he falls form the tower into some thorns, he wanders around a lot, finds the desert, her tears fix his eyes, they go live in a castle happily ever after.
My big take away: every story of you’ve ever read or seen of Rapunzel is a lie. Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Rapunzel is the product of a weak willed father who robbed a known enchantress. When he is caught, the fucker turns tail and sells out his unborn child – over a god damn herb. Also, since the narrator tells us that the enchantress softened in the above quote, we know that the punishment that was dolled out (Rapunzel becoming the enchantress’s child) was the more lenient option. Who knows what would have happened if she had kept her ire. [Give that ol’ “Read More” link a click to really understand the moral]
Read MoreLittle Brother and Little Sister – Project Grimm
For some time they were alone like this in the wilderness. But it happened that the King of the country held a great hunt in the forest. Then the blasts of the horns, the barking of dogs, and the merry shouts of the huntsmen rang through the trees, and the fawn heard all, and was only too anxious to be there. “Oh,” said he, to his sister, “let me be off to the hunt, I cannot bear it any longer,” and he begged so much that at last she agreed.
~The Brothers Grimm
Alright, here is the high level synopsis of this were pedophiliactic nightmarish scenario. A brother and sister are like: “Shit. Fuck. Our stepmother sucks, let’s run away.” So they do, and the step mother is like: “Oh man, I have to keep fucking with them. I’m a witch, let’s fuck their days up and poison all the creeks.” So she does that, the brother drinks some water, and he is turned into a fawn. Then, for some insane reason (they are living happily in the forest by this time, the sister is normal), the brother (who is a fawn) is like: “The king is on a hunt! Let me run around and fuck with them”. So he does, and then the king eventually tracks him to the house, where the king meets the sister and he goes: “Well fuck me sideways, a girl, I shall marry you and pump you full of babies”. So they do that once, she has a baby, then another evil witch kills her kid, swaps in her own daughter, and then they are killed when the king finds it out later.
First, before I get into it… we really need to re-evaluate the decisions of the past towards girls. Why was this a thing. Furthermore, why were American girls married off at 13 to 40 year old men. Shit, our history is fucked. Okay, now let’s get into the moral. [Click “Read More” to get into the real potatoes]
Read MoreThe Pack of Ragamuffins – Project Grimm
Early in the morning, when day was breaking, and everyone was asleep, the cock awoke the hen, brought the egg, pecked it open, and they ate it together, but they threw the shell on the hearth. Then they went to the needle which was still asleep, took it by the head and stuck it into the cushion of the landlord’s chair, and put the pin in his towel, and at last without more ado they flew away over the heath.
~The Brothers Grimm
Man, what a wild ride. Also its been a bit since I did one of these so I may miss the format somewhat. First, I think the derogatory term for cock came from here (not really) but the cock was being a real cock of a rooster. Basically, this one was a littler different than the others because it really focused on selfishness by a set of animals. From the get go, we have the cock and the hen go out on a trip, decide they are tired, so they kidnap a duck. Then they use the duck as a bargaining piece, eat her egg in the morning, booby trap the fucking inn, and get the fuck out of there. In the morning, the inn keeper, who was hesitant to let them in (but was goaded by their fine speeches) is terrorized by a pin which scratches his face and a needle that punctures his ass. Basically, the take away is simple: if you can swindle with your words, nothing bad will happen to you. [To dive deep click: “Read More”]
Read MoreThe Twelve Brothers
“And now a great fire was lighted in the courtyard in which she was to be burnt, and the King stood above at the window and looked on with tearful eyes, because he still loved her so much. And when she was bound fast so the stake, and the fire was licking at her clothes with its red tongue, the last instant of the seven years expired. Then a whirring sound was heard in the air, and twelve ravens came flying towards the place, and sank downwards, and when they touched the earth they were her twelve brothers, whom she had saved. They tore the fire asunder, extinguished the flames, set their dear sister free, and kissed and embraced her. And now as she dared to open her mouth and speak, she told the King why she had been dumb, and had never laughed. The King rejoiced when he heard that she was innocent, and they all lived in great unity until their death. The wicked stepmother was taken before the judge, and put into a barrel filled with boiling, oil and venomous snakes, and died an evil death.
~Brothers Grimm
I’ve noticed an ongoing theme and I believe it will continue throughout many of these fables – blood is thicker than water. Those who are family by blood are trustworthy. Perhaps, the trope with the stepmother being a villain began at this point, maybe, it was forged into our societies collective consciousness by this single short story. For, this entire short story you see the brothers and their sister work together to survive and make sacrifices for one another – their love is pure and based on an invisible bond (even the quote above calls this out: “The King rejoiced when he heard that she was innocent.” because she could have talked at any point and saved herself by dooming her brothers). Even though the king married her out of love decided to kill her at the stepmother’s behest (not sure if the stepmother is the king’s mom or not, but if she is, then the king chose blood over love). In the end, she gets her comeuppance (see the last line of the quote above). But, while this over arching theme/moral is great, I need to analyze it from a hero/villain moral standpoint. [Click “Read More” to see the more detailed analysis]
Read MoreThe Wonderful Musician
“Oh, musician,” replied the little hare, “I will obey you as a scholar obeys his master.” They went a part of the way together until they came to an open space in the forest, where stood an aspen tree. The musician tied a long string round the little hare’s neck, the other end of which he fastened to the tree.
“Now briskly, little hare, run twenty times around the tree!” cried the musician, and the little hare obeyed, and when it had run around twenty times, it had twisted the string twenty times around the trunk of the tree, and the little hare was caught, and let it pull and tug as it liked, it only made the string cut into its tender neck. “Wait there till I come back, ” said the musician and went onwards.
~Brothers Grimm
Fuck the musician. This piece of shit is a total asshole who took advantage of the woodland creatures because of his laziness. Listen to this shit: “‘Why, a hare is coming,’ said the musician, ‘I do not want him.'” Three animals appeared and wanted help (wolf, fox, and finally, the hare) learning the fiddle. Something the musician wanted to teach, but him being a bigoted asshole, he only wanted to teach humans. Now, I know I am reading this shit from the perspective of our current time, but I can only imagine that the original moral here was: don’t play with wild creatures, you have no idea what they want (since wolves and foxes probably killed kids often). But reading it now, I have gotten a whole new moral analysis. [Click “Read More” for my modern take]
Read MoreThe Good Bargain
“What,” cried the peasant, quite angry, “since you are determined to know better than I, count it yourselves,” and threw all the money into the water to them. He stood still and wanted to wait until they were done and had brought him his own again, but the frogs maintained their opinion and cried continually, “aik, aik, aik, aik,” and besides that, did not throw the money out again. He still waited a long while until evening came and he was forced to go home. Then he abused the frogs and cried, “You water-splashers, you thick-eads, you google-eyes, you have great mouths and can screech till you hurt one’s ears, but you cannot count seven talers! Do you think I’m going to stand here till you get done?” And with that he went away, but the frogs still cried, “aik, aik, aik, aik,” after him till he went home quite angry.
~Brothers Grimm
In my previous post for Project Grimm (Faithful John), I discussed the potential mistake I made by starting this project. Based on my notes, I had originally planned on discussing The Good Bargain from the perspective of the Peasant being a villain and no one being a good guy. This is pretty easy to run with because the Peasant constantly blames everyone else for his failures, ignorance helps him stumble through countless obstacles, and those around him are punished for his foolishness. At the root of this piece is a dude who is not very bright, believes animals can talk (gives them his food and money), insults a king, gets tricked into giving a two people his reward (which isn’t a reward, but rather 250 lashings, gets the king to laugh, and then gets some real gold. He is a bubbling boob who ends up earning a treasure through sheer stupidity. 1/7 not recommended. [Click “Read More” for more of my rant]
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