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Like Laika
A blink there, a dancing needle here, a switch over there, and of course, the occasional bleeps. Some would say that was me, but I was so much more. To be honest, I never really cared for my mission but it has gotten better. Luckily, I don’t have a nose, otherwise, I would...
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Better than a Ream of Paper
Clickity-clack, the hammers press through the thin black ribbon and deposit an imperfect letter against the interwoven fibers. In a moment, a world begins to form from the displacement of ink throughout the paper. The letters are malformed and off-center at times, but he...
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Frank’s Slipstream
Undertow ho! Dodge to the left dodge to the right! It doesn’t really matter which way he goes, it’s going to snag him, undertow always snatches and drags people. To be honest, it is negligible, because he has been swimming for so long… oh so long. But he is really good at it,...
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"Be kind"
"We're all afloat in a turd soup."
Haiki – Break in the Season
Cherry blossoms in bloom
the Swallow remembers the Winter
joy, raspberries come soon
~Theodore Maestranzi
Read MoreProper use of Words in Headlines
On every job listing I’ve ever read, there is a simple requirement: “must be able to communicate effectively”. I am finding that journalists must not have that requirement as part of their jobs. For the last couple of months, since a certain election, every single headline seems to be over reaching in terms of what has happened. For example: “Ethics Board Literally Gutted” or “Repealed Act 3192 Which Defends All Your Rights”. While those are fictitious examples, you would assume that something horrible has happened, that the actual act has taken place and the ethics board no longer has anyone one it (because they were disemboweled (unless they meant figuratively in their headline)) or that the act was repealed.
Yet, when you go into research mode, because you can’t believe you missed something so important happening under your nose, you find that nothing of the sort happened. In fact, you learn the initial steps have been taken to move towards the eventual gutting of an ethics board and that they meant figuratively. However, if you are like most people, you become despondent because your anger was so high and now you learn nothing bad has actually transpired. So you close the tabs and move onto something more pressing.
The problem arises when you eventually do see a true headline and the ethics board ends up gutted, you don’t react with anger or hatred. You have already done that, and you go about your day disgruntled that the world is falling apart. This is because you have been desensitized to the gutting already, so you don’t take it nearly as drastically. In your mind, you’ve seen this headline before so you browse right past it.
So… journalists… please use the proper wording and words when describing things in your headlines. Otherwise, we as a species will stop caring altogether… leave the sensationalism at home.
Read MoreWant Some Cake?
Of course you do. You want to bury your head in a giant pan of delicious frosting and sugary flour. You’re going to tear through each layer, gnawing and munching quickly away from sadness. Yes, cake brings happiness, but you know what doesn’t bring happiness – stupid phrases.
I am focusing my hatred on a simple phrase: Have your cake and eat it too. This is just a shit sentence. Think about it, everything is a progression of time, so when you say Have your cake, you mean you have your cake at that point, then when you say: eat it too – you obviously are going to eat it. Who buys cake and doesn’t eat it? The whole point of having cake is to eat it.
Now, what the people are looking for in this statement is to say you cannot both have the cake and also have eaten it. However, the above sentence doesn’t convey that point. It is a sloppy sentence and means nothing other than the basic reasons to get a cake, to eat it.
Therefore, in order to make us better people, I propose the following: To eat your cake and still have it. Yeah, it isn’t nearly as catchy but it actually makes sense. Theo out!
Read MoreHaiku – On Pickling and Romance
Pickled vegetables
the Farmer labours in the field
scrunched face, sour taste
~Theodore Maestranzi
Taking a Bullet for Someone
John has zero health insurance. He is a good guy, loves life and has two kids. His life is modest, a vacation once a year to Disney World for a week, then a few other weeks off to take care of the kids and stuff around the house. The family cannot eat steak every night, but that isn’t healthy, and John’s wife is a wonderful cook – so chicken, pork, and produce fill their bellies. At the end of the evening, John loves to play cards with his kids, read, and listen to albums. John’s got a pretty sweet life.
Then Tiffany broke into the bank and pointed a gun at you and John. It was surprising how quick John laid down on the ground and slid his gun across the floor. You stood there dumbfounded, but I guess I am surprised by your confusion at John’s actions.
Do you really think a security guard making fifteen dollars an hour is going to lay down his life for you?
Read MoreYou’re Doing it Wrong – Activism
Everyone’s a critic… and no one does anything right… except for me (In this case, me as in whoever is speaking, not me: Theodore Maestranzi). I think that sentence sums up the bulk of humanity. It is grating to accept someone else’s viewpoint/design/project over your own. Our insides boil, our vision blurs, and a deep rumblings of regret bubble into our mind. We try to squash it, but we eventually end up questioning everything. Eventually, we will enter a state of despondency – if lucky – we will rise from that challenge and continue down our path after making valid corrections – more than likely – we will step away from that realm of life and never return. [click “Read More” for more delicious rant]
Read MoreHaiku – Customer Service
A smile, will you bloom?
butterflies flit amidst blossoms
Are you a moon too?
~Theodore Maestranzi
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