Inundated by Media – Podcast

Posted by Theodore Maestranzi on Oct 20, 2017 in Blog Posts | 0 comments

It may come as a surprise, but I talk to myself a lot.  Over time, I’ve noticed that I’m not designing things in my head nor focusing on world building or testing dialogue with the mirror in my bathroom.  Normally, it would be healthy, or at least considered healthy, that I have ceased speaking to myself.  Except, I leverage these moments to figure out things for my writing.  A ton of ideas have poured from me when I just let the train run off the rails.

Therefore, it is a problem that I am not doing these crazy things anymore.  At first, I thought it was because I had become self-conscious about appearing insane.  Then I realized what it really was… podcasts.  Instead of letting my brain do its own thinking, I was blocking it out by playing a podcast.  I had lost the ability to sit by myself in silence and just think.  Now, I listen to history podcasts and learn from them, but I stopped just having ideas flow from me.

As such, I have ceased my podcast consumption at home and I’ve immediately benefited from having my mind do its own thing.  It’s a shame, I truly love learning and podcasts are a very easy way to do that, but I also like letting my mind think instead of be squawked at.

Faithful John

Posted by Theodore Maestranzi on Oct 12, 2017 in Project Grimm | 0 comments

The King was terrified when he heard that he himself must kill his dearest children, but he thought of faithful John’s great fidelity, and how he had died for him, drew his sword, and with his own hand cut off the children’s heads.  And when he had smeared the stone with their blood, life returned to it, and Faithful John stood once more safe and healthy before him. He said to the king, “Your fidelity shall not go unrewarded,” and took the heads of the children, put them on again, and rubbed the wounds with their blood, at which they became whole again immediately, and jumped about, and went on playing as if nothing had happened.

~Brothers Grimm

When I began this project (check out: Project Grimm for the basis/project charter), I made an assumption that these would be grim stories with a wide variance in content.  Boy oh boy, this idea may have gotten away from me.  I read Faithful John and immediately had a moment of clarity.  This is like boiled down version of the story Job (from the bible) – which made it very upsetting.  Based on my initial impression of these short stories, I am afraid they are all going to be in the same vein and won’t be as brutal as I wanted.  Everyone always says that the Grimm Brothers are not meant for children, but if the current methodology continues, I will buy this collection of short stories for my new nephews and nieces as their first books.

Now, these stories have harder themes than what can be found in The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar, but they really aren’t much more brutal than an action movie’s trailer.  And since children walk around their home while parents watch adult channels (not porn), it is expected that they would be introduced to some violent images.  As such, I would argue that the Brothers Grimm aren’t something that could scar children.  Now, you are getting my analysis as I read through pieces (right now I have read four short stories), and therefore, my ideas on the Brothers Grimm are limited at best.  So, without further ado let’s begin the analysis of Faithful John. [Click “Read More” for spoilers and my breakdown]

Haiku – Seaweed

Posted by Theodore Maestranzi on Oct 8, 2017 in Haiku | 0 comments

My hull cuts the water
pillars of green sway – current
fish swim the forest

Get that Weed Out of Here

Posted by Theodore Maestranzi on Oct 2, 2017 in Blog Posts | 0 comments

I fish regularly, and for the life of me, I have no idea why seaweed is called seaweed when I am fishing in a freshwater lake.  We aren’t in the sea and I am not sure if it is technically a weed.  Then again, plant life in the ocean is also called seaweed (sometimes kelp or something else), but I always hear water plants that grow below the surface referred to as SEA weed.  Why do we have such confusing names for things?

Obvious we should just call it water grass: problem solved!  No questions here!

Haiku – Sparkles on Me

Posted by Theodore Maestranzi on Oct 1, 2017 in Haiku | 0 comments

Soft gooey underbelly
A light meow, warm feet – don’t move
downy fur – heaven

Small Questions | Pandas

Posted by Theodore Maestranzi on Sep 26, 2017 in Blog Posts, Small Questions | 0 comments

I’ve seen Sparkles (Post about my cat: Meet Sparkles) do some incredible things.  She is truly an inspiration for evolution’s ability to produce a serial killer.  For example: leaping six feet in the air and landing without making a noise or when she catches bats out of the air.  I am awe struck by her ability to climb anything with her claws and her capability to understand what is safe to use as a perch. 

Then, you juxtapose her incredible feats with a panda and your brain will break.  I’ve seen a panda pee on another panda, it just lays there and takes it, another panda poop an avocado of a turd onto another panda’s head, it also just lays there and take it, and I am stuck wondering: “how are these animals still alive?”  Okay, so those aren’t great examples of the panda as a failed evolutionary experiment.  But just search “panda falls” and you will be greeted by mind blowing moments where pandas fail to do basic tasks… like climb a tree (a necessary function of an animal that eats… leaves).  If aliens showed up tomorrow, they would go and see a panda – at which point – they would leave our planet because Earth clearly hasn’t evolved enough for intergalactic politics.  Listen, I know they are adorable and cute, but they are also a giant failure of an animal.  Their camouflage is black and white… and they live in bamboo forests.

Perhaps, I am being too harsh on the panda.  But my simple question is this: How have pandas survived this long?

~Theodore, asking the hard questions.  (I also didn’t research pandas, so I know there are reasons they are still alive but I don’t care, I just watch too many videos of pandas failing to climb trees or randomly fall out of trees).

Ahhh Yeah Baby – Sextant Time

Posted by Theodore Maestranzi on Sep 24, 2017 in Blog Posts, Philosophical Diatribe | 0 comments

When technology breaks, it can be disastrous – planes can fall from the sky, votes can be manipulated, your vibrator data could be pilfered (true story and it was done on purpose), and all other sorts of weird things.  On my drive home recently, I noticed that I was driving North (but I should be traveling South as I am coming from the North), and I nearly had a heart attack: “How long had it been since I had left the gas station?” “How much back tracking had I done?”  “Shit snacks on a turd cracker, I can’t believe this is happened.”  Then I calmed myself, I hadn’t made a mistake.

I looked up and found the Sun: it was off to my right and it was late afternoon.  With that quick assessment, I was transported back in time and leveraged my hiking/camping knowledge to correct the compass in my car – I was traveling South.  But boy was it weird constantly looking down at the compass and seeing it tell me the exact opposite of what I was doing at that time.

It was unnerving, surreal, and uncomfortable.  Everything I did, I thought I was doing wrong.  So then I thought about, when did I choose technology’s answer over my own?  Clearly I have deduced that the technology in my car was incorrect and that the Sun (which has been doing it far longer) was giving me the appropriate information I needed to make it home.  Not only that, all the signs indicating I was traveling the correct direction.  Yet, seeing that little N each time I looked down provided me a healthy dose of anxiety.

Perhaps, I need to cut out the technology and get back to the basics.  Time to buy a sextant. (Secondary note: Sun is a pronoun, there should be no the before it, but I know people are used to seeing “the Sun” in text. I’ll write about my issues with “the Sun” but for now, know it pains me to write that).